EP09: Tools to Understand Yourself Better

August 3, 2022

Episode Description

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Hey everybody. How you doing? Thanks for joining me. I’m so glad to have you here today. 

I wanna talk to you about something I think is super important. When I coach people and we start talking about the problems they have in their lives one of the first things I look at is how are they thinking about themselves? How are they thinking about the problem? How are they limiting themselves and their ability to change the things that they wanna change? Because oftentimes we don’t realize that all it takes is just a little bit of awareness of how we’re thinking to change something in our life. 

And I just got off a coaching call where I was getting coached and I kept saying things and the coach kept pulling them out and saying, “Hey, you’re saying this about yourself. you’re saying this about yourself.” And it’s so easy to get all caught up in thinking life is hard. We have all these problems. We have all these things happening to us. And really, it’s just the way that we’re thinking about ourselves. So what I wanna share with you today is how to create awareness about the things that you think about yourself, or think about anything.

Think about the world, think about other people it’s so important to notice. You’re having these thoughts. So let’s, let’s just get into it. Okay? So awareness can happen in a variety of ways. 

Have you ever been in a conversation with a friend and suddenly they have a funny look on their face and you said, what, what did I say? And they repeat back to you the words that you use and you say, “I said that? I can’t even imagine that I would say that. That’s so weird that I would say that.” And what’s going on is it’s just. A thought that you had come into your brain, not even consciously, and it comes out your mouth. You’re not even aware that that, that thought even existed in your brain.

And what it took was just an opening, just room to share it and for it to be spoken out into the world. And it’s great when you have a friend that can stop you and say, Hey, is that what you really meant to say? Is that really your thought? you can have all these thoughts and not believe them and have them not really be you, you know, that person living inside of you.

But they can still kind of get in the way, because you’re kind of putting that out into the universe. You’re creating that energy from this thought that you’re not even aware that you have. So talking with a friend, especially someone that’s really great at listening and just reflecting back, whatever, whatever you’re saying. That’s super helpful. 

The other, like go to a professional, like getting coached, going to therapy, hearing them reflect back to you. The words that you’re using. Like my coaching session this morning was amazing. Two lovely coaches, Kim and Coach. And they helped me see how much I’m beating myself up, how much I’m criticizing myself. The words that I’m using that were limiting me and. Just having those brought to my awareness takes some of the power away from that way of thinking. 

Another way of creating awareness is to journal and writing things down, even taking five minutes and just writing what’s on your mind and then going back and rereading it and looking at some of the things that you wrote, like. Is this a truth? Or is this just something that I’ve been believing? Is this just a story that I’ve made? is this a reality or is it a figment of my imagination or is it something that somebody has told me? And I just take it on as truth, cuz that happens a lot. You know, you grow up, you realize things that you were taught as a kid, maybe by, um, parents or friends or teachers or church or whatever, and you believe them.

But then as you grow up, you realize that’s not actually what I believe. It’s not actually what I think. And sometimes those things are so ingrained that we really need to look at them from a completely different perspective. So sometimes writing it down can help us clarify that. 

Another way of creating awareness and this has been happening for me. And that is to record yourself saying things. I gotta tell you, recording this podcast has been bringing a lot of things up for me. One it’s a challenge. It’s something that’s really stretching my brain, stretching my comfort zone and really putting me out there. And then going back and listening to recordings that I do and realizing that I, I can’t believe I said that that’s not something I actually believe.

And having the opportunity to then change how I think about things, or even just noticing, maybe I’m using this word over here when actually this word, this word is more suited. It’s more aligned with me. It makes more sense. It helps clarify. I just, I just love the process that I’m going through recording a podcast.

It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. And I’m here for that. I, I need this, I crave this, this, this birthing of my inner thoughts and what’s on my mind. This has been very, um, Cathartic. I, I don’t know, have to look that word up. I, but that feels like the right word for me to use in this. So I recommend recording yourself and then listening back to that, uh. Lots of people realize how hard it is to do like a Facebook live or something like that, because they’re afraid they’re gonna say the wrong thing, but man, you just record yourself on Facebook live and go back and listen to it.

You can delete it if you want to. But I highly recommend instead of just sitting and trying to think about how you think or what you believe, you have to actually create it in the world. You have to say it to somebody. You have to read what you’ve written down.

You have to hear yourself on our recording and begin to develop that ability to see yourself from the other side, right? Like, rather than just living in your head, step out of yourself, out of your inner self and look back on what’s going on in your brain. Become like the observer of what’s going on in your brain and a great way of doing that is what I just talked about talking with a friend, hearing those things reflected back, getting coached, journaling and rereading it, recording your voice and listening to what you have to say.

There’s so much to be learned and gain from this. Even if you don’t change any of the things that you think and believe. Even just having a better understanding of who you are is a valuable thing to gain. And when you know yourself better, you wanna know other people better as well, because you’re less afraid of their judgment.

You’re less afraid of their criticism because you understand yourself better. You understand who you are, where you’re coming from in the world. So thank you for listening. I, I hope this helps you. I’m sure it will. I think that this is a really valuable lesson and I really wanted to get it out there. So, uh, I love you all have an awesome week and I’ll talk to you soon.

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Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all of your other relationships

The first thing my clients learn is to see what they believe about themselves... their self-identity, self-confidence, self-acceptance...
or lack thereof... and how that impacts their marriage.
Then, they learn how to overcome negative self-talk & judgment, mold new beliefs, and have a positive impact on their lives and relationships.
Get a head start by downloading my free guide
 "Discover How You Think About Yourself"
and start leveling up your life & relationships... today!